Practicing Self-Awareness for Healing and Better Relationships
Rev Fr Robin Lomangkok CSsR from Singapore gave a talk titled “Awareness is a path towards living our spiritual truth” to about 40 parishioners at the SCIC Conference Room on 21st Sept.
Fr Robin shared that he chose this topic because he has come across many wounded people in his personal and pastoral life. He opined that these wounds occur because of a lack of insight into themselves and into how well others know them. Being unaware of who they are and who they are interacting with may cause problems in their relationships.
Fr Robin kicked off his session by stating that our childhood memories shape the way we think. A person therefore needs to be aware of his childhood experiences and how they have shaped his way of thinking in order to discover his true self and identity, without which he can become stunted or have problems in his relationships.
Fr Robin added that most human beings lack awareness and understanding of one’s brokenness and woundedness. He reiterated that problems in relationships are not due to external factors rather internal ones. When one is angry, one must be aware of what triggers the anger, whether it is self-unforgiveness or a lack of self-knowledge and self-esteem. According to him, a person who has been told from young that he is useless, stupid and a good- for-nothing, will grow up lacking in self-esteem and burdened with emotional baggage.
Freud was quoted as saying that the human mind is like an iceberg. Only one-seventh of the mind is visible through appearances, languages, habits, customs, behaviours, skills, and talents. Other aspects of a person such as attitude, personality, operational styles, assumptions and learning styles, positive and negative thoughts lie buried in the unconscious of the human mind. So, one needs to look into the ‘mirror’ and be aware of who he really is in order to make a choice for change. A change that will help him appreciate himself more, better able to listen and relate with others and believe in God’s constant love for him. As he is surer of himself, he can draw boundaries, be confident handling his relational problems and stand up for what he believes in.
Fr Robin then outlined four steps to help achieve one’s freedom and hope in order to reclaim their dignity with a different perception of self and of others. First, accept one’s imperfection and weaknesses born of one’s childhood experience. Next, understand the origin of these emotional hurts and wounds and move on without feeling guilty or being victims of the past. Then, be hopeful and believe in God’s constant love. Finally, discover one’s potentials, talents and gifts as a source of empowerment.
To help us in self-discovery and making a choice to change Fr Robin outlined four archetypes of people. Firstly, the introspectors who are clear on who they are but do not challenge their own views by getting feedback from others. This can limit their success in relationships. Next, the seekers who do not yet know who they are or how others see them, and therefore might get stuck or frustrated with their performance in relationships. Thirdly, are the pleasers who can be so focused on appearing a certain way to others that they might overlook what matters to them. They tend to make choices that do not serve towards their success or fulfillment. Finally, the aware are people who know who they are and what they can accomplish, they seek out and value others’ opinions, and they are leaders who realize the value and benefits of self-awareness.
At the end of the talk, the participants were divided into three groups and asked to reflect on two questions: What is the importance of self-awareness in my life today? and how do I see life and God’s presence in the process of awareness?
After listening to the feedback from the group discussions, Fr Paul Kee CSsR, summed up the day’s session by calling on all who want to know themselves better to first look into one’s self and discover one’s talents and potentials. From there, one can move on to what one wants to improve in themselves and look for ways to do it. In doing so, one will become more aware of one’s inner self and others. One becomes more thankful and life becomes more meaningful as relationships improve. Finally, he emphasized the importance of prayer especially of thanksgiving. He suggested that everybody should become more aware of the simple happenings in life and give God thanks.
The session ended at 12.30 pm with a prayer and photo session of the presenters and participants. Many found the talk beneficial as it challenges them to become more aware of themselves and to find solutions to their relational problems through self-awareness. (Maryann Pragasam)